But what makes this program even more miraculous is that while the monthly charges go directly to the taxpayer, an illusion is created that the phones are given to the entitled voters personally by the Oprah-like President Obama: "You get a phone! And you get a phone!"
But wait, there's more! Our researchers have compiled the following list of features that distinguish the free ObamaPhone from a regular cell phone:
- It automatically rejects calls from people with a different opinion.
- Every time you take a picture, it produces a grimmer image of America.
- It doesn't have a plan; it just keeps telling you how bad the other guy's plan is.
- When it crashes, it blames your previous phone.
- All 3 AM calls go directly to voicemail.
- It has a really useless app called "Biden."
- Pairing it with another device sucks all the energy out of the other unit.
- Type in "job search" and it gives you directions to the welfare office.
- The navigation feature covers all 57 States.
- The default ringtone for international calls is "I'm sorry, so sorry, please accept my apology."
- The healthcare app downloads and installs itself without your permission.
- When you make a call, a teleprompter pops up to help you speak.
- Restaurant reviews are all written by Michelle Obama.
- There are never any winners on Angry Birds.
- Instagram takes two months to process a photo and you have to fill out 3 PDFs to do so.
- Paypal app is replaced with ReceivePal app.
- You can't find "Jerusalem" on Google maps.
- It turns all your Facebook friends into enemies and all your enemies into friends.
- Don't want to work? There's an app for that, too.
- It automatically bows down to phones made by foreign companies.
- When you watch a YouTube video, a US ambassador gets killed.
- When you dial "home", it calls Kenya.
- As opposed to the iPhone, it's called the mePhone.
This list is based on our tweets in the #ObamaPhone hash tag game, which trended at #3 today and made it to Michelle Malkin's Twitchy - but then inexplicably vanished from the trending list before we could make a screenshot. Our frequent contributor, General Secretary, who posted today on our behalf, claims that the #ObamaPhone game started with the above one-liners, immediately retweeted by hundreds. However, given Twitter's speed and millions of users, this may be difficult to prove.
Within hours, the game's popularity reached the radar of the Obama Truth Team and Think Progress, who then quickly intervened to enlighten the unwashed masses about the Current Truth about the ObamaPhone. Their messages boil down to the familiar "Blame Bush" and "Obama didn't build that." They did not mention, however, exactly how much of the taxpayer money has been used by this and other government programs to build the strong 47% support base for the Democrats.
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