Be afraid: They know who you are. They know what you want. If you are looking for a good night’s sleep, I can tell you they don’t have money. But what they do have are a very particular set of skills; skills they have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make them a nightmare for people like you.

They might have to peep through your windows while you get jiggy on the sofa with your partner, and gross you out with horror stories about your rancid mattress, but what’s that compared to finally getting a perfect slumber in your own bed.