news clip and comments via wonkette.com
Middle-Aged Secessionist Lady From Texas Will Launch Bloody War For Her Freedom
The secessionist losers in Texas held a major rally (like 2 people) in front of the state Capitol this past weekend, but whither be leader Rick Perry and his 70 pretend-secessionist allies from the state legislature? Apparently they were all busy doing… let’s see… anything else. But the Texas Observer was there to cover the madness and met some interesting “Real Americans,” who at one point very patriotically shouted, “we hate the United States.”
Our favorite is the second speaker — a Paultard lady — saying, “We are aware that stepping off into secession may in fact be a bloody war.” Yes, there will be much blood when a few F-18s utterly obliterate your new country’s infrastructure and murder most of its population before lunchtime.
mardam422 says 9
- Why bother? It’s Texas.
- Rally round General John Bell Hood and the Texas Brigade, boys! We’ll drive these Wonkette Blue Bellies out of the Confederacy, or die in the attempt!
For your wives! For your sweethearts! For the Birthers!
the problem child says
- Why do they have dildos on their flags? Or is it rolling pins?
- Please - GTF out of my country. And take fucking Okalahoma with you too.
Sick Puppy says at 1:02 pm, September 1st, 2009
- Nice sound quality. Kudos to the roadies.
Baconcat says at 1:02 pm, September 1st, 2009
- Ah, my beloved home state. Little known fact, Texas’ sunsets are so beautiful because of the steam that emanates daily from the ears of thousands of smart people there who have to listen to these idiots on a regular basis.
Neilist says at 1:02 pm, September 1st, 2009
- “will be much blood when a few F-18s utterly obliterate your new country’s infrastructure and murder most of its population before lunchtime.”
Gee, Jim. You say that like it’s a BAD thing.
This is Texas we’re talking about, remember? You know, the State whose residents prove that Oakies fuck Mexskins?
RoscoePColtraine says at 1:03 pm, September 1st, 2009
- You could easily let some of the steam out of blue shirt guy by telling him that Little Debbies brand snack cakes come from outside of Texas.
- Maybe Mexico want’s Texas back? Really, they can have it.
- Jim, please stop giving free press to this woman. If she sees this on the intertubez, she may become emboldened and then the F-18’s would also have to blow the fuck out of her three-legged Min Pin and Finger Hut statuette collection when she gets them involved in this grave threat to our national desire to give a shit.
- Please go! And by the way, we’re closing Fort Hood, Fort Bliss, two Naval Air Stations, the F-16 factory in Fort Worth. And the Trinity River will flood Dallas every spring because the Corps of Engineers won’t run the dams’n’shit at taxpayer expense for you anymore.
And good luck with the border! Now you can kill all the Mexicans you want!
- May need a place to crash in, oh, let’s say Chicago, DC, or New York if shit goes down. Just saying. If secession happens, I’m only 2 hours from the Louisiana border and am getting the fuck out.
Poopley J. Crandleberry says
- Oh No! They can’t take Texas!
cuz then how would our messican nannies and housecleaners get here?
- “Yes, there will be much blood when a few F-18s utterly obliterate your new country’s infrastructure and murder most of its population before lunchtime.”
Okay, NOW I know what I want for my birthday.
- The lovely little lady in the red smock is Debra Medina, and she is running for President of Nuevo Texas.
- V572625694: Not to mention renamimg any and all Naval vessels named after ANY Texans, past, present and future.
- Hey come on peoples. The most important question this time of the year in Tejas is, how will this affect the Cowboys, US America’s Tejas’ Team?
- Goodbye, and don’t let the door hit your fat asses on the way of the US.
Another DC Lawyer (Again) says
- Jesus Christo! Can we please please PLEASE retire that “tree of liberty needs to be watered with the blood of tax-payer funded abortions” trope? Can’t someone take out their Thomas Paine reader and come up with a new line?
- V572625694: and no Medicaid, Medicare, SSI, Transporation money, federal subsidies for oil and gas drilling, federal subsidies for crops and ranches, FEMA money for Galveston and the whole coast, etc etc. Let them leave, please. They can run their own country quite successfully, I am sure.
- Gazunta hey (Yiddish for “Go with God but GO!)
This reminds me of the non-controversy every once in awhile in New York City, when Staten Island periodically threatens to secede, but never does. I once read something along the lines of(paraphrasing), “As Staten Island again threatens to secede, the other four boroughs are wondering what’s taking it so long.”
Oh, and we’re also cancelling all your social security benefits, medicare benefits, medicaid benefits, education subsidies, crop subsidies, highway and bridge subsidies, head start subsidies, energy subsidies, federal aviation subsidies, small business administration subsidies, bank bailout subsidies, FDIC subsidies, NASA subsidies, health care subsidies etc. Good luck Texas. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass as you leave.
- Oh, and keep George W, please.
ignatius_riley says at 1:14 pm, September 1st, 2009
- “Don’t cry for me Argentina?” Guess the guy screaming “Get a job!”’s job is to…watch musicals starring Madonna?
Another DC Lawyer (Again) says
- Replyoh…and also…do they expect to be able to run this revolution sitting on their fat asses in the SHADE? I know it’s hot in Texas, but people c’mon, talkin’ bout a revolution here…going to have to sweat a bit…
AxmxZ says at 1:15 pm, September 1st, 2009
- Wow, that guy has a squeaky-ass voice… Wait, I think may have just inadvertently solved the mystery!
- How could such a lame state produce something as awesome as Chuck Norris?
- I will repeat this over and over again until these tardos understand:
the second Texas secedes from the union, Travis County (AUSTIN) secedes from you. Have fun without IBM, UT, Dell, AMD, the Capitol, etc…
The Socialist Republic of Austin would do quite well on its own, though.
- I did a cross-country drive this summer from Scottsdale to Philly and purposely took this route (Route 59?) that cut northeast in New Mexico and literally bumped against the Texas border before entering Oklahoma.
I stepped out of my car at the point where it bumped against Texas and mooned that collection of cowboy hat-wearing assfucks (and the cattle who happened to be hanging out there) before moving on.
True story. Good times.
Buzz Feedback says
- Whitey sure goes off the rails quickly.
- Our ancestors put the Indians on reservations. Our grandparents put Japanese-Americans in prison camps. I say we take up that great American tradition and build a fence around Loving County, Texas (pop. 70) and tell the Secessionists, “No Federal law or taxes, no Federal money or programs of any kind, and good luck with that whole ‘live free or die’ thing.”
- Bombing won’t be necessary. Simply import ever larger amounts of high fructose corn syrup and we’ll soon kill ourselves. Sugary snacks + red meat with every meal will doom us all.
- Doglessliberal: Yeah, really: lookit what a great job they did running this country.
- I’m sure Fox News is in full coverage mode on this one.
Pissed-off, undereducated white people! It’s a groundswell!
- Later on, y’all! Why would we bother bombing them? Hell, can we offer them buyouts, like GM does when it needs to shitcan useless members of its workforce?
Does this make Texas the Quebec of America?
- Extemporanus: Even better, the yeehaw in the ten-gallon hat is running for TX governor - for the second time! http://www.larrykilgore.com
Oldskool says a
- This will make a good reminder at election time of how bad an idea it is to elect people who hate their government. It should’ve occurred to us in 1980 but we’re suckers for tough guys. Make that tough-talking guys.
- you can get the most amazing weed in texas, and these secessionistas have clearly been smoking the shit out of it.
- Obama is indeed the Abraham Lincoln of our times, only he can re-unite the great states from this terrible threat of secession.
- “we hate the United States.” I thought that only Marxist ObamaCare Democrats said that. Disappointed.
The Cold Sea says
- The idea that anyone would fight to keep Texas in the Union is kind of funny. GET THE FUCK OUT1 MAKE AMERICA A SMARTER PLACE11 Texans always have such a high opinion of themselves. Fight. To. Keep. Texas. Insane! Go be a Third World country. If you don’t know you get $1.03 back from every $1 in federal taxes then leave.
Serolf Divad says
- Apparently there’s a negress in the White House with a bunch of aides, and We The People are paying their salaries!!!!!
- That weird Mark Sanford reference was pretty random.
- CrunchyKnee: I’m sure Mexico would love Texas back. Maybe not the Texans, but the land itself.
Holy Cow!! says
- Can we just nuke Texas?
- why is Max Hardcore in TX?
- I have T-Shirt that says Don’t mess with Texas it is not nice to pick on retards. You know one bougus arrest in Texas and I carry a life long grudge. Go figure.
If Texas left and took Oklahomo with them I would be ecstatic. I would miss Austin but the rest can go and take the Damn Cowboys with them.
MARCdMan says a
- I vote we keep Texas but get rid of the Texans.
- Why does Slim Pickens want to secede from the union?
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