Gallows humour, East European-style

Out of the bleakest moments east of the Iron Curtain was born an improbable, subversive humour, feeding a stream of popular jokes despite censure, repression and poverty.

Dreams of abundance in the West were at the heart of the absurd vignettes, known as "anekdoti" in Russia, which remain part of popular culture in the former Eastern Bloc states.

Twenty years on from the fall of the Berlin Wall on November 9, they are one aspect of life under Communism that still unites people from Berlin to Moscow, often refurbished to poke fun at today's regimes.

Many of the Soviet-era jokes darkly played on people's dreams of fleeing the Communist bloc: "Why did the USSR decide not to send men to the moon? They were afraid they would demand political asylum."

Another goes: "The leader of East Germany Erich Honecker orders a minister to tear down the Berlin Wall. Stupefied, the minister asks why? 'I want to be alone,' Honecker replies."

This gallows humour rejoiced in jeering at the sacrosanct Communist Party, which by the 1980s was widely reputed to be headed by senile and corrupt officials.

"What has 70 teeth and four legs? A crocodile. What has four teeth and 70 legs? The Central Committee of the Communist Party."

But disguising such critiques with puns and allusions was more than a matter of wit under a totalitarian regime where any hint of insubordination could end you in prison.

In the German Democratic Republic (GDR), such anecdotes, or "Witze", were dubbed "3-7 Witze". The preface stood for the three-year jail sentence handed one caught listening to a subversive joke and the seven-year sentence given someone telling it.

But fear did not stem the flow of cynical humour: "This year they again held the Festival of Soviet political jokes. First prize: 10 years of winter vacation in Siberia."

The jokes often turned Communist dogma on its head: "Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Communism is exactly the opposite."

Other anecdotes captured the climate of paranoia that reigned in Communist-bloc countries.

A conversation between three inmates at a Soviet labour camp: "'I was five minutes late to work and was charged with sabotage,' the first man says. 'I was five minutes early and was sentenced for espionage,' the second explains.

"In turn, the third man says: 'Well, I was on time, and I was accused of contraband in Western wrist watches.'"

Even the Soviet war in Afghanistan in the 1980s lent itself to laughs as people questioned what Moscow could gain from sending troops there.

"Why did the Soviet Union decided to invade Afghanistan? There must be a strategy for spreading the Communist paradise to the world - the USSR decided to proceed alphabetically."

The wry jibes were heavy with a deep sense of fatalism. On the occasion of the 65th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917, celebrated with great fanfare in 1982, many dissidents joked the Soviet Union had finally reached retirement age.

"What's better a communist hell or a capitalist hell?," one popular joke asked.

"The communist one of course! There is always a shortage of matches and fuel, the heaters are out of order, and the devil and his creatures are busy with party meetings."

Added: Nov 3 2009 In: leak,education

By: Gr8virtue

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Pretty amazing period in our time.... Wonder what those soldiers on the other side felt... were they relieved? Did they feel let down?

Posted Nov-3-2009 by "Vekurus" (R)

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Midnight Petrograd... A night watch spots a shadow trying to sneak by. "Stop! Who goes there? Documents!" The frightened person chaotically shuffles through his pockets and drops a paper. A soldier picks it up and reads slowly, with difficulty: "U.ri.ne A.na.ly.sis"... "Hmm... a foreigner, sounds like..." "A spy, looks like.... Let's shoot him on the spot!" Then reads further: "'Proteins: none, Sugars: none, Fats: none...' You are free to go, proletarian comrade! Long live the World revolution!"
___________

Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes. "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Applause.) "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Long, loud applause.) "Who sneezed?" (Silence.) ...A dejected voice in the back: "It was me" (Sobs.) Stalin leans forward: "Bless you, comrade!"
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A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing and telling political jokes. The fourth one desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, frustrated, he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends over an ashtray and says with utter nonchalance: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the conspirator finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge where his neighbors had gone. "Oh, the KGB has arrested them!" she answers. "B-but... but what about me?" asks the guy in terror. "Oh, well, they decided to let you go. You made Comrade Major laugh a lot with your tea joke."

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Five precepts of the Soviet intelligentsia (intellectuals): Do not think. If you think %u2014 do not speak. If you think and speak %u2014 do not write. If you think, speak and write %u2014 do not sign. If you think, speak, write and sign %u2014 don't be surprised.

Posted Nov-3-2009 by "XAMOMH^I" (R)

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