http://blogs.browardpalmbeach.com/countygrind/2012/08/olympics_closing_ceremony_2012_sucked.php


The 2012 Summer Olympics have wrapped. Finally. No longer we will all be
imbued with the tales of athletic heroism, dramatic finishes, or
shattering defeats that NBC has essentially shoved down our collective
throats for the past few weeks.

As things in London return to
normal and cleaning crews extricate the Olympic Village of an allegedly
staggering number of rubbers used to keep future Olympians from swimming
to zygote gold, one question lingers on the minds of British music fans
everywhere: What the fuck happened with that closing ceremony?

London Olympics End With a Whimper

Posted by wickedscholar on August 13, 2012




Well, the London Olympic games are finally over (thank you God).
They were about a week longer than they should have been and there were
tons of sports that shouldn’t be part of any Olympics. There were way
too many rowing and equestrian events. Archery sucks. Who plays water
polo, much less sits around and watches it? Who needs to see people
riding around on horses, wearing silly top hats? Beach volleyball is a
boring, lame ass tits and ass show that seems to be completely at odds
with the Olympic ideals. Walkracing is just plain stupid
and gay looking. Men’s grass hockey is almost as gay looking. Any of the
martial arts are completely boring and incomprehensible to anyone but
the athletes and judges. Unfortunately, the list of lame Olympic sports
is long, and getting longer by the moment as organizers add more and
more silly sports, trying to cash in on current fads. Soon, mixed
martial arts and extreme motorcycle jumping could be coming to an
Olympics near you.
But what about the closing ceremonies? The Wicked Scholars were
unanimous in their abhorence of the opening ceremonies – what did they
think about the closing ceremonies?
“I thought they were absolute shit” said Eric Wolf between puffs on
his Cohiba. Another big hodgepodge of stupid British stereotypes. It was
kind of neat to see Eric Idol because we joked about the absence of any
references to Monty Python in the opening ceremonies but that segment
was way longer than it should have been and it was pretty annoying. The
rest was just drivel though. Why did they have all of these cover bands –
why didn’t the real bands like Oasis play?”
William Weatherton finally had to turn them off. “I wandered away for
awhile to take dump and mix a drink. When I came back, I assumed that
the closing ceremonies were over and they were showing the movie “Harlem
Nights.” Then, to my horror, I realized that this was still the closing
ceremonies. It was just this never ending pastiche of really annoying
and British boringness. Talk about resting on your laurels. Did they
happen to have a bunch of dancing fish and chip shoppe employees? I
mean, they crammed in every other stupid British stereotype. In general,
I have to say that the Olympics really sucked. I watched a lot during
the first week, but then I got bored with the whole thing. All of the
good events were done and they crammed the afterthoughts into the last
week. Really, who watches the marathon? It’s two and a half hours of
sheer boredom. “Oh look, he’s taking a drink. What a strategist!”
Rupprecht Mangles, who wreaked havoc in North Africa with Rommel said
“you know, even if I liked the British, I would still say that those
closing ceremonies sucked. They should have cut them down to about half
an hour. Instead, they always have to drag everything out. Why else
would an awful show like “Coronation Street” go on for 30 years? The
British never were the most efficient people in the world.”
So, another Olympics has come and gone. How will history judge the
London games? In 30 years, how will these games be compared to other
games that came before and after? Time will tell, but we certainly hope
that by the time the 2042 games come around, they will have changed
dramatically. Fewer events, shorter, less money wasted on opening and
closing ceremonies, and better officiating. If that doesn’t happen, the
games will have become a bloated behemoth that few countries will have
the resources to send a team to, much less host.