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EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells....'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to
take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald ,
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly
deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
'Which one?'. I asked. 'The patch...
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out
of places to put it!'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair ,
Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . ...
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up
on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste'. Bob
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient
had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she
was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic
hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep
off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said 'Sorry... had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!! ! .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
sheepishly said. 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running
down her cheeks from laughing so hard . .. .
'No doctor but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer
Dr wouldn't submit his name....
Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a
little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied...
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for
a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came.
Four men were golfing buddies. One a doctor, one a preacher, a lawyer and a
retired man. The retired man became terminally ill and told the others he wanted
to take his money with him. He said: "I have $30,000 and what I want to do is
give each of you $10,000 for you to drop in my coffin as you go by".
After the funeral, the three were sitting together quietly until the preacher spoke
up and said: "I have a confession to make. The number of homeless people that
come for dinner has risen making it difficult to manage. I used the money to buy
new modern equipment".
A few moments later the doctor spoke up. "Too many children do not come for
check-ups because their parents cannot afford it, so I set up a fund for them to
do so at no charge."
Time went on and the lawyer did not say anything. The doctor and preacher
looked at him with suspicion and one asked: "What about you?" The lawyer
said: "I gave him the money. I wrote a personal check for $10,000 and put it in
One afternoon two cub scouts ran into their scoutmaster. They told him: "We did
our good deed for the day". When asked what they did, they said: "We helped
an old lady across the street". The scoutmaster said: "That's fine, but why did it
take two of you". "Because she did'nt really want to go".
A blond football jock and his buddy were talking at a bar.
Jock: You know, I ran into this beautimus maximus chick the other day.
Buddy: So where did you meet her? Jock: I was driving out in the country and
she was at the side of the road in a Porche with a flat tire. I asked her if she
needed help. She said 'yes', so I changed her tire.
Buddy: Did you get a date or anything?
Jock: No. She took off all her clothes and said: "Anything you want".
Buddy: So what did you do?
Jock: I took the car.
Buddy: Why did you do that?
Jock: Well, the clothes would not have fit me.
A man and his wife were visiting Jerusalem with her mother and during the trip
her mother dies. The man inquires about the cost of having the body sent back
to the US. He was told it would be about $5000, but she could be buried there
for only $150. The man said: "No, I want to send her back to the States". The
mortician said: "You must have really loved your mother-in-law to go to that
expense". The man said: "No. A little over two thousand years ago a man died
and after three days rose from the dead. I can't take that chance".
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