Following this past weekend's Senate vote to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell, the law banning homosexual members of the United States Armed Forces from disclosing their sexual orientation one proud Army dad isn't waiting for Obama's signature to tell his flaming soldier boy how much he loves him this holiday season with a gift sure to instill a sense of shock and awe in passers by that few ever experience outside the world of newly informed parents, friends, and fellow soldiers. Sick of having to watch his son keep his secret while serving honorably the dad who will only identify himself as "Mr. Securewithself" wants to give him a gift to help him come out with style secretly bought an AutoLoc Exhaust Flame Thrower Kit and installed it to his car over the weekend so fast that he never pop stole it. "Mr. Securewithself" tells Smoke and Flames why in this exclusive interview.
Smoke and Flames: Isn't buying your "flaming" son mocking a great achievement in gay rights a bit?
Mr. Securewithself: Not at all, but I can see how some might think that. Its actually a tool of empowerment you see.
Smoke and Flames: How So?
Mr. Securewithself: Well, although the term "flaming" was originally created as derogatory term and its still used as such the kit help him own the term whenever someone directs it at him in a negative way. This could especially be useful for managing tailing drivers who think its ok to shout homophoebic slurs at him at the intersection.
Smoke and Flames: Does he have problems with that? Why would random people target him on the street?
Mr. Securewithself: He's never tried to hide it a much. He'll pretty much do everything short of coming out of the closet to make sure everyone know he's gay. Like putting bumper stickers on his car that say things like "my other car is a pirate ship" and "can i vote on your marriage?"
Smoke and Flames: Those are definitely highly implicative slogans, is there anything else about the car that's well, you know?
Mr. Securewithself: Yes, the car itself is pretty gay. 2010 Ford Fiesta, you can't get much gayer than that.
Smoke and Flames: Enough about the car, lets talk about the Flame Thrower. How will that help him deal with highway hecklers?
Mr. Securewithself: Easy, the flame thrower kit makes any car or truck a flaming one. You don't have to be gay or drive a fiesta, it can happen to anyones ride. The flame thrower kit lets you respond in a way they'll never forget especially at intersections by showing them what flaming really is.
Smoke and Flames: I get it ha ha flaming fire, but couldn't that lead to more heckling like "look at that flamer and his flaming car"?
Mr. Securewithself: Not with AutoLoc Flame Thrower Kits. They shoot up to 20 feet of fire at the push of a button, they'll never heckle anyone again.
Smoke and Flames: Couldn't that lead to more serious problems, you know like murder?
Mr. Securewithself: I'm not telling the boy to burn'em at the stake just put a good scare into them. Technically its harassment, but eye for an eye you know neither side wants to call the law.
Smoke and Flames: You think they'll be too scared about getting arrested to get your son arrested?
Mr. Securewithself: Yea, its called deterrence theory. My boy told me about it when he finished training. We built up a lot of nukes and the Russians never attacked us, same principal.
Smoke and Flames: Sounds like the fire goes a bit above harassment. Are you sure that will work?
Mr. Securewithself: As sure as I am about my son.
Smoke and Flames: So your not sure about your son then?
Mr. Securewithself: The hell I ain't sure I caught that kid when he was in high school in the act sort of speak.
Smoke and Flames: Alright then thank you for your time.
Smoke and Flames ended the interview seeing that it was going nowhere. We hope his son enjoys his newly found freedom to be open with his fellow troops flaming or otherwise. Its unfortunate that this day and age some still face the wrath of highway hecklers, but violence is not the answer. Safety experts agree that intersections are not the right place to use Exhaust Flame Throwers and they should never be used in anger. They are primarily designed for shows and visual flair, but not as weapons. Nevertheless they have been called the ultimate stocking stuffers by some due to their ability to make any car of truck an instant head turner and are especially popular among dads with teen male drivers. Flamethrower Exhaust
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