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  • Blog 'Block-o-tron ACTIVATED! '
    Added: May-26-2017 By: Lord Spliffington II

    Dear Sirs, Madams and those who haven't made up their ruddy minds, (greedy twits). Where was I? Oh yes, I was in the bedroom and am now making my way to the attic. Anyhoots, I would like to respectfully ask you read these notes if per chance, you were thinking of pressing my subscription-o-tron button.

    1. Please be respectful to others who have kindly subbed me. In reality, you may smash each others toes with a meat tenderiser but in here please be nice.
    2. If you are a mouth foamer who is unable to debate, save us both some time and remove your own arse hole. I welcome differing views yet not from the neanderthal types who have a six word vocabulary. Three of those words being hungry, poo and mummy.
    3. I sincerely couldn't give one of Churchill's testicles about thumbs up. It is a new concept to me and leaves me most bumfuzzled. The only thumbs up I enjoy are on the 21st of every month when Lady Longflaps II visits my boudoir. Thank the lord for cooking oil! She is a lady on the outside and a monstrous harlot on the inside. The things that woman can do with pickles, a light bulb and a tin of hot dogs is unspeakable. So I shall not speak of them. Yummy.
    4. If I have subbed you, I may from time to time disagree with you. Let's be gents about this and discuss. I say gents because the ladies on here seem to act like ladies in the most part. Which is a shame as I was hoping there might be a few maids I could have courted. Well, by courted I mean rodgered until they walked funny. Phwoar!
    5. I ran to my study, gallantly walked over to the window and placed a hand on chin whilst twisting my moustache in deep reflection. I reflected on the whole blocking-o-tron switch, to block or not to block that is the question. I stood like this for what seemed like seconds but turned out to be 8 hours. The gin intake has been a little higher recently as I have no food. Luckily the gin is delivered by the lorry load. Except for that fateful day in 1972.....The driver had skidded in a pile of cow shit and crashed into a zoo which was next to a fireworks factory. The monkeys drank all the gin and set off the fireworks which enraged the lions, this led to a lion v monkey war that lasted 2 days. In the end they had to be shot... That was fun! I'm sorry I'm getting emotional at the loss of gin. Boo-hoots. The upside is the lorry was full of illegal immigrants and the lions and hyenas weren't racist. I could hear the screams 20 miles away. Huzzah! To cut a long story short, I will block anyone who is obviously a retard. My time here is to laugh, learn and watch some utterly horrific videos. Not to entertain a mongoloid who thinks Chocolate comes from Chocolate Land. Does that make me a coward? Sirs, I walked through Allepo* wearing a t-shirt that said "Fuck all ya'll fag bitches" written in Arabic and English. A coward I am not. A complete an utter bullshitter? well that's for another day. Blocking-o-tron ACTIVATED.
    6. Some may say one has thought too much into this and to them I say, slurp on my gonads. Life must have standards as man must have manners as women must have frequent mental break downs. Chortle! It is the code.
    7.......A lucky number for some. Unfortunately, not for me as it is the amount of times I have caught the "Itchy Scrot." It burns like hell fire. Ghastly.
    8. I shall add to this as is necessary. Shit I just spelled necessary without it having to auto correct-o-tron. That never happens. Huzzah!
    9. Huzzah!
    10. *Fictional place.
    11. Toots.
    13..... Unlucky for some. Not for me as it is the amount of times I have escaped from the law. Huzzah lawsuits!
    12. How do I make this blog appear on my personal identifier page. Shit.
    18. I have drunk 18 bottles of gin in three days. Shart.
    19. For those who send me messages of hate. I love you. Toots.
    20. If you have subbed me and I have forgotten to return the sub, please don't get the butthurts. Being on a constant gin and opium rampage means one forgets things. It is not personal. Plops.
    21. I am either too drunk/high/lazy to visit channels. I hope you understand.


    Entry Added: May-26-2017 By: Lord Spliffington II

    I like to pretend I am a spaceman. Exciting.
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  • Blog 'Gin Recommendations.....'
    Added: Mar-1-2017 By: Lord Spliffington II

    Tally Ho friends and enemies, It would appear we have some gin aficionados in our midst! If I may trouble you with a recommendation? I shall steal the gin the very next day and give an indepth comment if sober. Langleys No.8 is my gin and that gets a 9/10.

    The Botanist Island Dry Gin 22 @BloodBathandBeyond
    Recommended by Mr.Beyond
    The bottle has a most beautiful design. It was like staring at a lady, wondering what merriments lay inside. On opening, I almost orgasmed as the smell wafted into my royal hooter. I caressed the bottle, gave it a cheeky smile and twirled my moustache in anticipation. Foreplay over, I greedily gulped down the entire bottle and to my shame, urinated on the spot. A marvellous gin, ruddy tooting marvellous. Over the next six hours, I finished a further 3 bottles, soiled myself and slept for 14 hours. Overall, one gives this gin 6/10. Toots.

    Tanqueray No10 @stovtop
    Recommended by Mr.stovtop
    If this bottle were a man, it would be a doorman at a posh gentlemens club. A no nonsense gin that goes down smoothly and pays a friendly visit to your liver. After my fifth bottle, I could no longer control my bowels and defecated on mamas best rug. This gin will take you on an adventure, it will make you reevaluate your life. Overall, one giveth this gin 5/10. Toots.

    Thuya Dry Gin @digger56
    Recommended by Mr.56
    A Canadian gin in a standard bottle that says 'drink me you handsome bastard' so I did. Several hours later, I woke up in a tree with a very sore bottom. I cannot remember a ruddy thing except for flashbacks. A large African man, a cucumber and threats of violence..... It will come to me. If your wife has left you, your kids hate you and you are ugly, drink this gin. You will forget everything. Toots.
    Overall one gives this gin 5/10. Toots.

    Monkey 47 Schwartzwald @Topple215
    Recommended by Mr.215
    As I goose stepped my way home, I couldn't help but hold this bottle to my chest. It is shaped like a fat baby and if I had breasts, I would have nursed the cute little bugger. To be blasted honest, if I had breasts, you wouldn't see me for months. I digress. Have you ever been kicked squarely in the chest by a woman so strong, she has a beard? If not, prepare yourself Sir as this gin will do that to you. One considerable gulp (about a pint) and I collapsed in a heap. This gin was my "Nam" and I would not be beaten. Two bottles later, I purchased a 50 pack of toilet rolls and a tiny plastic duck from Amazon-o-tron. This gin makes you impulse buy.
    Overall, I give this gin 6.5/10. Toots.

    Bombay Sapphire @askmeanything
    Recommended by Mr.Anything
    When I was 9 years old, I remember going through papas pants pockets looking for spare cash and opium. On one such day, I discovered a bottle of Bombay Sapphire and was mesmerised by the blue glow and wondered as a child would, what delights lay inside. As I drank, papa caught me and was not best pleased. He smashed the bottle over my head and said something I will never forget "If I ever catch you drinking my gin again, so help me god I will thrash your bare buttocks until they bleed the blood of Satan." From that day, the fear of getting a severe buttock thrashing and the possible arrival of Beelzebub, means I cannot drink this gin. Although I do remember it tasted like angels piss. Delicious. If you have a genuine fear of a bottom pounding from Lucifer's humongous phallus, stay well away. Toots.
    Overall, I give this gin 666/10. Toots.

    Seagram's Extra Dry Gin @AS-11FTN
    Recommended by Mr.11FTN
    It was 6.45am as I sat down for breakfast. A huge bowl of Cheerios with ice cold milk and by milk I mean gin! Only bottom touchers and the clinically insane use milk on their cereal. The bottle is like that girl you would bugger yet would feel ashamed to be seen in public with. As the delicious nectar cascaded over my Cheerios, I became semi hard. One hard rap on my helmet with a spoon and all was well again. I can only say this gin is ruddy marvellous and any man who says otherwise will be thrashed. It tastes of success, loyalty, happiness and what I believe to be old socks.
    Overall, this gin gets a solid 7/10. Toots.

    Gunpowder Irish Gin @Donegal
    Recommended by Mr.Donegal
    Fact -This bottle once empty, can be worn as a hat. An aroma that can only be described as frightening eminated from this gin. As for the taste? Bloody ruddy tooting delicious. In fact, I am quite proud to say I wept like a baby with a messy nappy. A truly moving experience I shall never forget. It is now three hours later, I can't feel anything, can hear voices and am shaking like a dog having a poo.
    Overall this gin gets 88/93. Toots.

    Geranium Gin @sm86
    Recommended by Mr.sm86
    It had been a good two hours since I had drunk gin and the shakes were hitting me hard. So much so in fact, mama thought I was either having a seizure or body popping. The aroma of this cheeky number is a cross between a tramps fart and hubba bubba gum, delightful yet eye watering. Well, well, well, I drank so much I fell down a blasted well. This gin is so delicious, I can barely feel the pain in my fractured legs and cranium. It has been 2 days and I am getting scared as there are big rats down here. Help.
    Overall this gin gets 2million/4 million. Toots.

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    Entry Added: Mar-1-2017 By: Lord Spliffington II

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