By The Foywonder, Dreadcentral.com
"A sequel to 'Manos: The Hands of Fate' is in the works" probably ranks as one of the top three sentences I never ever thought I would find myself writing. Yet, here I am reporting the unbelievable news that a sequel to one of the worst movies ever made, a movie that probably would have been completely forgotten today were it not immortalized by 'Mystery Science Theater 3000', is getting sequelized 45 years after the fact.
Made in 1966 by an El Paso, Texas fertilizer salesman with zero film experience, zero budget, and a cast comprised primarily of everyday citizens, Manos: The Hands of Fate is hands down one of the most insufferably awful things ever composed to film, and because of that it has become a cult classic amongst bad movie fans. The original exercise in excessive tedium dealt with a family that gets lost on a trip and end up taken captive by a cult of devil worshipers led by a ferociously mustachioed fellow known as The Master and his sidekick Torgo, a gimp with deformed knees.
KVIA out of El Paso reports that Rupert Talbot Munch, Sr., is the name of the individual just crazy enough to tempt a sequel. He is listed as an indie filmmaker although I can't find his name attached to anything prior to this announcement. The title for this unfathomable sequel is Manos: The Search for Valley Lodge. Right there we've got major trouble. Manos: The Hands of Fate has a catchy ring to it. Manos: The Search for Valley Lodge sounds like the title of a dimestore paperback Western. Is that really the best title Munch could come up with?
The sequel's plot, according to Manos fansite TorgoLives.com (yes, such a website actually exists!), is as follows:
"A woman battling mental illness regains her memory and heads into the deserts of El Paso, Texas to confront her inner demons and discover her mysterious past. (Supernatural Thriller... or is it?)"
Jackey Raye Newman Jones and Bernie Rosenblum, both of whom appeared in the original and are apparently willing to admit so publicly, have agreed to return for the sequel. What would a movie like this be without a professional wrestler in the cast? That honor goes to former WWE brute Gene Snitsky. That's his handsome mug up above.
Shooting of Manos: The Search for Valley Lodge is set to commence in early 2011. Just don't expect to see this future classic until it gets released sometime in 2013, thus answering the question as to which will come first: the end of the world or a sequel to Manos: The Hands of Fate?
This is the opening clip from the original movie (MST3K version) and it is just but a sample of the mind-numbing tedium it is to watch this film. Literally nothing happens for 10 whole minutes except driving around the back roads of Texas. To quote Joel, "Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph." The voices are all dubbed by two people. It was shot on a consumer camera that could only capture 30 seconds at a time. It currently ranks #9 on the IMDB bottom 100 list. Subject yourself if you will to the horror that is MANOS! THE HANDS OF FATE!!!
It is SHOCKINGLY BAD!!! The only way to watch it with any kind of enjoyment is to watch it with the MST3K version, their quips are the only thing keeping your brain alive.
And just my honest opinion, I couldn't think of a stupider way to flush money down the toilet than to recreate this train wreck of a movie with a sequel.
|Liveleak on Facebook|