British Army Has Makeover - No More Smelly Grunts

Finally the British Army is allowing women to serve on the front line in Afghanistan. Officers say this is welcome as they are fed up with uneducated, ill-informed, smelly male soldiers constantly whining about the weather and other issues in Afghanistan.

Expected is changes to toileting facilities in barracks with full length mirrors, hangers for gowns and dressmaker's mannequins for making those necessary minor adjustments to uniforms.

The British Army has placed an order with Coty for stocks of perfumes and cosmetics. Army approved cosmetics are on the procurement list and can be viewed here;

http://www.armysweetsmellingatlast.co.uk/no_more_whining

Weapons changes will include color changes to ammunition with pretty pink, bold blue and gorgeous green becoming available.

Tanks and other heavy vehicles will get fresh paint with a lovely soft undertone of power pink matched with the latest floral and geometric patterns fresh from Milan.

Aggression will be banned and instead persuasion will be used and I personally am certain that the enemy will be persuaded by the new uniform, new attitudes and new colors of this New British Army. Defeat is inevitable and likely the Taliban will surrender in hordes.

The British Army does see some difficulties ahead and have ordered in a battalion of MPs to Afghanistan to restrain US Marines, US army and US airmen from making attempts to assist the New British Army in their endeavors.

Associated Press reports that eager US Marines have been pressing uniforms, cleaning boots and tidying camps in anticipation of the arrival of units of the New British Army on Wednesday.

In other news from AP;

Condom stocks in Afghanistan have reached an all-time low and the US Airforce is flying in stocks of large-size condoms to arrive by Friday.

The Australian Army in Afghanistan has also ordered in stocks of condoms and has scoured the world for stocks of extra-large size condoms to arrive by Thursday.

Surrender is inevitable.