Now for a bit of levity...

This is from a show called American Jail, and in this episode, a drunk inmate calling for Jesus to save him, finds a possible escape route, or perhaps just his 15 minutes of fame. Either way, it's hysterical.

"HELP ME JESUS, HELP ME JESUS!!!!"

Sorry, dude, the only Jesus you're going to find in jail is some Mexican gang-banger named Jesus.